Cast
M.C.
Speaker
The Interpreter


Scene
A speech is about to take place. There is a podium with 2 people on chairs behind it. The interpreter can be standing in place to begin with, or enter when he is pointed out by the M.C. All of the props should be in place so the interpreter can easily access them, but try to keep them hidden as much as possible in a bag or behind something. The interpreter does not speak, but acts out his lines during the speaker's underlined lines.

The M.C. steps to the podium to begin the proceedings.

M.C.:
Hello and welcome ladies and gentlemen. My name is (your name here) and I want to thank you for coming today to our weekly seminar. We have arranged for a wide variety of topics from several different speakers today. I’m sure you will be very interested in what they have to say. And, as usual, we have provided an interpreter for those in our audience who are dramatically impaired. So now without further ado. I would like to introduce our first speaker Mr. (or Ms.) (speaker's name here) who will be speaking on spiritual warfare.

(The M.C. and Speaker shake hands as they switch places as if the speaker is thanking the M.C. for the introduction and the M.C. is encouraging the Speaker.)

Speaker:
Good morning/evening ladies and gentlemen. I have been involved in the ministry for a long time now. I’ve preached all over the country and seen many people and churches in my time and I’d like to share with you now a problem that has been on my heart for the last several years that seems to be getting worse in our church body. The most unsettling problem that I have seen in our churches is the almost complete lack of true spiritual warriors.

Interpreter:
Shouting loudly in phony Japanese, (or real Japanese if you know it) he pulls out a sword and slashes it a couple of times before ending in a Samurai stance.

Speaker:
Considering the true power that God wants to bestow upon us, His children, this problem is truly sickening.

Interpreter:
Pick up a large bowl and loudly pretend to throw up into it.

Speaker:
Yet, we continue to ignore this problem. Why can’t we see the need? God wants us to be more than conquerors but we are constantly choosing to live in FEAR.

Interpreter: Scream spontaneously and hysterically in reaction to Speaker’s shouting as if he’s genuinely surprised and terrified at the speaker’s outburst.

Speaker:
So what can we do about it? How do we start living like warriors?

Interpreter:
Repeat original “Samurai” motion exactly the same way you did it the first time.

Speaker:
The first thing we have to do is BEAT it INTO our HEADS that there is a war going on.

Interpreter: Smack self in head three times, with a foam baseball bat or play mallet or something similar. Time your hits with "beat", "into" and "heads" as the speaker emphasizes each word.

Speaker:
The war continues to rage but we continue to willingly be blind to the advances of Satan and his fallen angels.

Interpreter:
Put on sunglasses and take a stick and tap it a few times in front of you. Ad-lib tripping or knocking over something. Try swinging the stick around so the Speaker has to duck or move, or maybe groping somebody's head in the audience.

Speaker:
Satan will not go away. He will not stop the fight if we choose not to defend ourselves and ignore the problem. He and his evil horde are desperately trying to maintain their hold on our lives.

Interpreter:
Give football referee’s holding signal.

Speaker:
They are trying to drag us down.

Interpreter:
Give football signal for facemask.

Speaker:
But we can press on towards the goal.

Interpreter:
First down.

Speaker:
And be victorious in Jesus.

Interpreter:
Make touchdown signal as you blow a referee’s whistle, followed by spiking the ball and a wild and exorbitant TD dance while cheering loudly.

Speaker:
Secondly, we need to put on the full armor of God. The weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but they are mighty.

Interpreter:
Flex muscles like a bodybuilder. Grunt, growl or snarl if you'd like.

Speaker:
Even if we know we need to be warriors… (pause to give the interpreter time to finish his warrior move)

Interpreter:
Repeat “Samurai” motions exactly the same way as you did it the first 2 times.

Speaker: Satan will still kill us if we can’t use our weapons.(Interpreter moves after the speaker finishes this line.)

Interpreter:
When speaker finishes sentence, commit hara kiri by plunging the sword into your abdomen. Fall to knees and bow head.

Speaker:
We must train ourselves in the Word of God and through our prayer. And thirdly, we must not back down from Satan. We must take the initiative and attack. Hit him where it hurts. Pummel him into submission.

Interpreter:
Jump up and start dancing around like a pre-fight boxer warming up. On “attack”, act like a boxer beating an opponent.

Speaker:
But be wary because Satan will always retaliate, looking for ways to strike back with a vengeance and beat you down until you are no longer a threat to him anymore.

Interpreter:
Now act like a boxer being beaten on by his opponent until you finally collapse, having been knocked out. Before the Speaker continues, slowly and wearily stand back to your feet. Let the audience see you’re winded and hurting, but not near death.

Speaker:
In conclusion, I would like to say that we all need to remember that we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against spiritual wickedness in high places, and against the rulers of this world.

Interpreter:
Mime wrestling with yourself, grappling until you’re on your knees or on the ground.

Speaker: But God has given us the power to pin our opponent and KEEP, HIM, DOWN! (Slam hand on podium or clap your hands together for each capitalized word, pausing and emphasizing each one.)

Interpreter:
Mime pinning yourself. After the third pound/clap, release as if the match is over.

Speaker: Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to thank you for the time to share with you my message this morning/evening.

Interpreter: Struggle mightily to get up while the speaker talks. Take as short or as long a time as is funny. Now you’re near dead.

Speaker: (Wait until the Interpreter is completely up.) I would like to share with you one last story about an acquaintance of mine who died tragically last year in a painful factory mishap.

Interpreter:
Panic stricken face at that comment. Wildly shakes head no.

Speaker:
But, unfortunately, I am out of time. Thank you again.

Interpreter:
Relief.

(M.C. and speaker switch places and shake hands again, this time it appears the M.C. is congratulating the speaker on his wonderful speech.)

M.C.:
Thank you so much Mr. (or Ms.) (Speaker's name). That was a very inspirational speech. Well, now it’s my pleasure to introduce our next speaker. He is a teacher of prophetic interpretation of the bible and will be sharing today on the prophetic correlations between the plagues of Egypt in the Old Testament and the last days destruction prophesied in Revelation.

Interpreter:
Faints.

Fadeout.

Director's Notes